NWA

Nerds With Attitude

Posts Tagged ‘lolz’

Jokamel

Posted by andrefosho uz jūnijs 17, 2008

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FAIL

Posted by andrefosho uz aprīlis 6, 2008

FAIL

FAIL

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U gona h8 thiz post

Posted by andrefosho uz aprīlis 2, 2008

I was so happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over year and so we
decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends
encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only thing
bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age and absolutely
gorgeous. She wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would
regularly bend down when quite near me and I got many a pleasant view of her

underwear. It had to be deliberate.

One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding
invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I
was to be married and that she had feelings and desires for me that she
couldn’t overcome and really didn’t want to overcome. She told me that she
wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my
life to her sister.

I was in total shock and couldn’t say a word. She said, ” I’m going upstairs
to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and take
me.”

I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When
she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the
stairs at me.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front
door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight
towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in
his eyes he hugged me and said, “we are so happy that you have passed our
little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to
the family.”

The moral of this story is:
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Always keep your condoms in your car!

////

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.

“Careful … CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter.
Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK!
Careful … CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?
Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!”

The wife stared at him. “What the hell is wrong with you?
You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?”

The husband calmly replied, “I wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.”

////

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background
>>checks,Interviews, and testing were done there were three
>>finalists…
>>
>>Two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of
>>the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. “We must know
>>that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the
>>circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in
>>a chair. Kill Her!!!” The man said, “You can’t be serious. I could
>>never shoot my wife.” The agent said, “Then you’re not the right
>>man for this job.”
>>
>>The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and
>>went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the
>>man came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my
>>wife.” The agent said, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your
>>wife and go home.”
>>
>>Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the same
>>instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into
>>the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard
>>screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.
>>
>>After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and
>>there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow,
>>and said, “This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to
>>death with the chair.”
>>
>>Moral: Women are evil. Don’t mess with them.
>>Thank you.

////

A cruise in the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks,

and there were only 3 survivors; Damian, Darren and Deirdre……….

They manage to swim to a small island and they lived there for a

couple of years…………

doing what’s natural for men and women to do…..

After several years of casual sex, all the time, Deirdre felt

absolutely horrible about what she had been doing,

She felt having sex with both Damian and Darren was so bad that she

killed herself……………

It was very tragic but Damian and Darren managed to get through it and,

after a while nature once more took its inevitable course…………..

Well, a couple more years went by and Damian and Darren began to feel

absolutely horrible about what they where doing

So……………

…………………………………………They buried her.

////

Dancing With the Bride

A young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition that
the best man dance with the bride for the first song. Well, this
happened…but then they danced for the second song too. And the third.
By the time the fourth song came on, the groom ran up and kicked the
bride between the legs. A riot broke out, and all the invited guests
were hauled off to jail.

In court the next week, the judge asked the best man what happened.
“Your honor, we were just dancing, and the groom ran up and kicked the
bride between the legs.”

“That must have hurt,” said the judge.

“No kidding,” replied the best man. “Broke three of my fingers!”

////

A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at
work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her
husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet.
The boy now has company.

Boy: “Dark in here.”
Man: “Yes it is.”
Boy: “I have a baseball.”
Man: “That’s nice.”
Boy: “Want to buy it?”
Man: “No, thanks.”
Boy: My dad’s outside.”
Man: “OK, how much?”
Boy: “$250.”

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom’s
lover are in the closet together.

Boy: “Dark in here.”
Man: “Yes, it is.”
Boy: “I have a baseball glove.”
Man: “How much?”
Boy: “$750.”
Man: “Fine.”

A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your glove. Let’s
go outside and toss the baseball.” The boy says, “I can’t ! I sold
them.” The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?” The son says,”$1,000.”
The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.”

They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the
confession booth and closes the door.

The boy says, “Dark in here.”
The priest says, “Don’t start that shit again.”

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